itsjonnybailey:

Well, hello. You lot probably have no clue who I am, but let’s get to know each other. What’s your name, where’d you come from, and what do you do?

Oh, I love this game. I think the question should be, what isn’t my name? I come from my dad’s penis, and I’m a high class prostitute. But you know, I can always drop my rates if someone handsome enough comes along.

(Source: fcknsheeran)